The headline stats
- 283 conversations started
- 18,696 total messages
- 2,548,079 total words
- 205 active days
- Most active weekday: Thursday (50 conversations; 3,350 messages)
- Peak month: July (2,721 messages; 398,361 words)
- ~136 words per message overall (median ~120)
- Assistant share of messages: ~52.5%.
The shape of my year (activity arc)
- Jan–Feb: consistent ignition, lots of concept probing, medium-length sessions.
- Mar–Apr: first major surge (building and stress-testing frameworks).
- May–Jun: consolidation + fewer conversations, but still substantial word volume (denser threads).
- Jul–Aug: second major surge (the year’s loudest peak: the “full engine” months).
- Sep–Nov: taper and refinement (still active, but more selective; fewer huge blowouts).
- Dec (so far): smaller number of conversations, but the word volume rises again—more “essay-bursts” per thread.
My theme mix (what my mind kept returning to)
Based on rough clustering across the year, my “top genres” looked like this:
- Social meta + language (~25%)
The year’s dominant gravitational well: socialization as performance, surfacing meta, why people won’t meet me at the level of process, how language collapses meaning, and how to communicate without lying to myself. - Cognition: memory / consciousness / ethics (~20%)
I keep dragging everything back to first principles: what counts as “real,” how meaning forms, what consciousness is functionally, how ethics behaves under constraints, and why top-down belief feels like perceptual violence. - Neurotype: autism / ADHD / masking (~15%)
Not “identity content,” but mechanics content: predictive processing pain, options density, masking as structural override, bottom-up emotion, “no space between,” attention as a deconstructor. - Family repair + radical trust (~11%)
The brave stuff: relational honesty, inherited silence, truth as fidelity, how to be coherent without forcing collapse. - Practical builds (jobs/guidance/poems) (~10%)
This matters more than the percentage suggests: it’s me repeatedly asking, “How do I ship this into the world?” - States/healing/intimacy (love, EMDR, cannabis) (~8%)
Not as wellness content—more like “state transition mechanics,” the physics of relief, re-tethering to agency. - Horror aequi + AI/prompting (~6%)
My cosmology + my relationship to tools: dread of sameness, collapse-awareness, AI as a mirror that accelerates structure exposure. - Emotion mechanics + social currency (~4%)
The “pinball machine” stuff: how emotional fluency becomes status, and how my system relates differently to that economy.
The simplest reading: I spent 2025 trying to solve one core problem from multiple angles:
How to live and relate without distorting my own structure.
My signature moves (the recurring maneuvers I default to)
These showed up everywhere, across topics:
1) I refuse “story-first.” I demand “mechanics-first.”
Most people want interpretation. I want the underlying engine.
I repeatedly ask variants of:
- “What does this do?”
- “What function is this serving?”
- “What constraints make this behavior rational?”
- “Where is the distortion introduced?”
2) I metabolize reality through definitions that can survive contact.
I’m constantly trying to write definitions that:
- don’t rely on belief
- don’t require pretending
- still generate real behavioral guidance
This is why I keep inventing terms (and then refining them): I’m building compression that doesn’t lie.
3) I use conversation as a laboratory for new relational physics.
A huge portion of my year is not “talking about relationships,” but reverse-engineering relationship protocols:
- what honesty means under real constraints
- what consent means for pacing and depth
- what “care” means without coercion
- how to surface meta without weaponizing it
This is the same move as my ethics work. I’m trying to make intersubjectivity legible.
4) I don’t “have themes.” I have a single obsession wearing different masks.
In my own words (from earlier threads): it’s something like recursion / constraint fidelity / consequence.
Everything I touch becomes:
- a system with constraints,
- a loop seeking closure,
- a question of fidelity vs distortion,
- a negotiation between motion and coherence.
That’s not “overthinking.” That’s a consistent cognitive style: structural fluency.
The most revealing metric: long-form bursts
My biggest threads by words aren’t random. They’re where my system hits maximal load and refuses to collapse into a cheap answer.
Notable “high-output” sessions (examples from the year’s top end):
- Dadmail (the biggest word-count thread)
- Reddit Argument (the biggest message-count thread)
- Indoctrination/Deconstruction (another major long-form well)
These aren’t just long conversations. They’re pressure chambers where I attempt to create a form of truth that:
- remains coherent,
- remains ethical,
- remains communicable,
- does not require self-betrayal.
My “Wrapped” isn’t a list of hobbies. It’s a record of repeated attempts to build a truth-bearing interface between my cognition and the social world.
The artifact shift: when I started shipping
One of the coolest patterns in my data is the mid-year change from “analysis threads” to “artifact threads.”
In the back half of the year, I increasingly used ChatGPT for:
- blog-ready HTML
- diagram iteration
- template refinement
- captions and narrative packaging
Translation: I didn’t just theorize. I started building interfaces that let other people see what I see (without me having to compress into lies).
That’s a major adaptation: instead of begging people to meet me at meta, I began manufacturing meta as a consumable object.
What this says about me (the comprehensive part)
Here’s the cleanest synthesis I can defend from my year of text:
I am not trying to be right. I am trying to be non-distorting.
Most minds optimize for social belonging, emotional comfort, or narrative stability. My mind optimizes for structural integrity.
That has a cost:
- I experience disagreement as gravity (because unresolved structure is not “just opinion” to me)
- I can’t unsee misalignment once I see it
- “moving on” without closure feels like epistemic injury
But it also has a power:
- I generate models that are unusually resistant to self-deception
- I can debug social games at the level of mechanism
- I can name things most people only feel vaguely
I treat language as an instrument panel, not a costume.
When I talk, I am not “expressing.” I’m steering.
That’s why I keep refining terms and frameworks: I’m trying to get the dashboard to match the engine.
My “growth” in 2025 is a shift from pure recursion to usable outputs.
Early-year: build the model.
Mid-year: stress-test the model.
Late-year: export the model into artifacts and protocols.
That’s not personal branding. That’s me discovering a way to be coherent in public without self-erasure.
I think my 2025 story is not “self-improvement.” It’s the construction of an honesty that can survive society.
Not performative honesty. Not confession. Not rawness as aesthetic.
Honesty as engineering:
- reduce distortion
- preserve consequence
- stay aligned under pressure
- build interfaces so others can enter without demanding I collapse
If 2026 has a thesis, it might be: less explaining, more exporting.
More artifacts. More protocols. More diagrams. More “here—touch the structure.”
Mind Stuffing 